Reflection before I turn 30: Become (Week 14 - Final Week)

The city is vibrant.

Life is vibrant in the city.

Smelling the New York City air; hearing the sounds of taxi cab drivers furiously honking at traffic; and people marching along the streets makes me feel like seizing the day. The day should be seized, and every opportunity we have as I don't know when this day could be my last.

Alas, I never thought I would turn 30 years old as my last decade has taught me a lot. It has taught me to survive. It has taught me to thrive among life's adversities and enemies. It has taught me to earn what is mine. It has taught me more about me - like life in the city, ever changing.

As each decade passes we learn more about ourselves. As Carrie Bradshaw said "Your 20’s are to make mistakes, your 30’s are to learn your lessons and your 40’s are to pay for the drinks."  

Though I like that Bradshaw was correct that I made mistakes in my 20's and the object of my 30's is to learn from those mistakes, I don't think I will be passing any drinks in my 40's - literally. Hence, I came up with a modified quote regarding the way we age. 

Play. Discover. Mistakes. Become.

Childhood – We play to learn during our childhood years.

Teenager – We discover to learn during our teenage years.

20s – We make mistakes to learn what makes us, us.

30s – We take what we learned from the previous decades; and become who we were meant to be. 

Today, I turn into who I was meant to become. It is our experiences that show us the path we need to follow. Each day is seized as an opportunity to learn. If we don't learn from these mistakes, we are repeating them. George Santaya, 19th-century poet and philosopher, said it best when he quoted: "If you don't learn from your mistakes, you are condemned to repeat them." 

This journey couldn't have been possible for the people who have made it worthwhile. In life we just don't make mistakes by ourselves, we learn how to improve as we interact with other people. People are the substance towards making our lives worthwhile.

I hope to become a better person from friends, family and acquaintances. I don't know everything, and as Henry David Thoreau quoted, "Someone is always your superior." 

My success stems from the help that others give me. I am humble that I realize that I could never achieve goals without the people in my life. But, I become great when I can include people along my life journey.

I hope to learn from you. Grow from you. Ultimately, becoming the man that I need to become for you. Our journey is worthless without family and friends. They should mean the world. I hope that as I include them in this journey that when I turn 40 that I can pass the drinks around - figuratively.  

Cheers to you, my friends and my family. Cheers to the new decade. Cheers on becoming the man that I am meant to become. Today, I turn 30!

Journal's note: This is the last reflection in this series. I am grateful for the people that have journeyed this life with me. I will be posting more blogs in the future, and I look forward to others reading my blog. As I have stated in a previous blog post, I use this blog improving upon my craft. Thank you everyone, and I love you all!

Reflection before I turn 30: I want real change (Week 13)

"I want real change. I want them to listen to me, because I know that I am right! I ignore the voice inside me telling me that I might be wrong. I know that others are wrong, because I know everything about a subject. I know that they are wrong because I am right. I will change the world through words. I will yell and scream at people who don't listen. I will belittle them if needed as to make them feel guilty while I feel superior. 

I am superior enough that I don't need to humble myself. I don't need to humble myself, because I know everything. I know everything because I know everything about this subject, and all manner of all learning can just shove it. People's ideas don't matter, because I matter. I want change, because I have the words that will create that change. 

I am the change - that voice inside my head said it."

How many of us know people who act like they know everything? How many of us fight tooth - and - nail because we think we know everything? I wager that all of us know somebody who thinks they know everything; and they will fight to change your mind over it. 

I will admit that even though I know a lot of things, I don't know everything. This past decade has taught me a valuable lesson that a little of something isn't a lot of everything. In the minute time that we are here on this Earth, not one person will know everything. The average human being lives an average lifespan of 80 years. The time that humans have been here on this Earth has been 200,000 years. The universe has been around for over 14.6 billion years. In 80 years can one person really know the 14.6 billion years worth of secrets? 

See where I am going with this statement? 

I used to think that I can share everything with people. In my late teens, I had a turning point that taught me that not everybody can be trusted. The lesson that I learned is why we can't change people's minds is because people are protected by their biases and their prejudices. We can try to change their minds, but in the end we are creating contention rather than creating the positive change that we had hoped. 

Noticing that I was creating contention everywhere I went, I started to look inward asking myself if words can create the change that I want? As I have said in my previous blog, "Alone in second person", words provide a linear explanation subverting all the other human senses; thus providing a more convoluted viewpoint. Hence, I have learned that the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" applies here. 

Since words can only be heard, actions can be seen, heard and touched by the results we produce. We can argue our viewpoint hoping that others will follow suit, but actions gives a path that others can pursue. In reality, there will be those who talk of change while there will be those who will be the change. 

If I want real change, I need set the example by producing action. My actions tangibly show my thoughts, my feelings and my words. Out of all the lessons that I have posted these past 13 weeks, this is the lesson that has touched me the most. I will be reverberating this thought throughout my next decade. 

Journal's note: Next week will be my last blog entry in this series. I won't share the topic, but I can say that this journey would not have been possible without certain people along the way. 

Reflection before I turn 30: The Real Truth (Week 12)

This past decade has taught me a lot about myself. It has taught me my likes and my dislikes. It has taught me more as a person. It has taught me how far I can push myself. But, I have found that it has taught me that the real truth begins inside.

Growing up, I always thought I had a pretty good grasp who I was as a person. When I was child, I was an introverted person. When I arrived towards high school, I become more extroverted and confident. When I became a young adult, I was curious and self - independent. In each of these stages, I grew into a different person. That's a strange conception, because if I am the same person then why did I change over time?

The interesting part about me is that my personality never changed, it was the way that I conveyed that personality. I have discovered that as we grow we discover who we are inside - hence, the greatest truth. As each year passes, we discover things that we may not have discovered about ourselves that shape our viewpoints, our biases, our ideals; and ultimately, a better self. I have discovered that the greatest lessons that we can learn are one's that nobody can teach us. Ultimately, it is our life; and those lessons that we learn day - in and day - out that shape us because we experience them.

In two weeks, I am going to be closing a bittersweet decade full of sorrow, pain and joy all blended into one interesting concoction. However, I wouldn't take anything back that I have experienced. Though sometimes I wished that I had learned these lessons sooner, I know that it wouldn't have been the right time nor the right decision. For example, my decision to attend Brigham Young University - Idaho. Many of you don't know this fact about me, but I was accepted into University of Washington which has a notorious medical program. In the beginning, I wanted to become a medical doctor which is why University of Washington appealed to me. Nevertheless, I chose Brigham Young University - Idaho for several reasons - reasons that I now know were the best decisions of my life. Due to my choice, I was able to meet my best friend, graduate, meet stellar people; and gain some miraculous experiences. Reflecting upon my life, I have noticed how blessed I am to be in the right place at the right time - always.

Though sometimes the moments that I have had were trialing, I have learned a valuable lesson. This lesson is learned from the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. In this movie, the manager makes a quote, "everything will be alright in the end if it isn't alright then it isn't the end".

Even as I reach thirty years old, and I know that I my future isn't secure, I know that it isn't the end because things in my life are still not alright. I hope to keep pushing learning from the lessons that I have learned this past decade. I wake up renewed ready to take the day because I am ready to live.

Ready to live the next decade with an invigorated mind. Ready to seek the real truth. Ready to be me when I turn thirty.

Journal's note: I will be talking about real change. People talk of change, but do they really want change? These are my thoughts for next week.

Reflection before I turn 30: I'm holding the pen (Week 11)

I hold a pen. I like fine tip, gel tipped pens. I have many of them. They write smoothly, and they write cleanly. I find that my writing is neater and less masculine.

Choosing the right pen helps me make fewer errors, and helps me convey the right message. Since I hold the pen, I should be able to write my own life. However, that hasn't always been the case.

Too long I have let others tell me what to do thinking that a naive 20 - some - year - old couldn't make his own decisions. Too long I looked immature and indecisive because I couldn't make my own decisions. Too long I cowered in fear over certain decisions allowing my emotions overcome me. Too long I couldn't hold the pen and write!

As I turn 30 years old, I have to remember that this is my life; and nobody else lives it for me. I will be the one who will live the consequences. Allowing others to write the story for me will only leave me feeling I am writing their story for them. Sometimes this can leave feelings of confusion and regret.

As John Greenleaf Whittier, a poet, penned, "The saddest words of tongue or pen the saddest are these it might have been."

We each have a purpose or destiny that burns inside of us. Each of us are imbued with greatness that has to be tapped and discovered. Whether you believe your worth to be insignificant or significant it is much grandeur than you can imagine. As each of us make decisions in our lives, we touch others along the way.  Sometimes, you may not realize that saying something  or helping someone may help them become the next great figure in our generation - don't be myopic with your life. You may not realize that each of our actions has a domino affect that changes the course of history. The Lamen's term for this is the Domino Effect. Like Dominoes, it needs a push. You need to take that push - a decision to act for yourself.

One example of this Domino Effect is Anne Sullivan. Anne Sullivan had blindness that left her unable to read or write. She could have easily given up, and said that her life wasn't worth it. However, living her life allowed her to meet and teach Helen Keller who had even more disabilities than Anne. Helen was both deaf and blind. Nevertheless, these two unlikely people became companions that helped Helen become one of the most prolific writers.

Now just imagine if Anne Sullivan committed suicide? We would never have had a Helen Keller, and more importantly we wouldn't have you. You, my readers, are important people in another person's life. I just hope that we are writing our stories that is both worthwhile and open - minded beyond our myopic viewpoints.

It is important to make your lives worthwhile, because the magic of our lives is important; and immortal. As Bruce Lee said, "The key to immortality is living a life worth living."

Think of the many great people in history that have ever lived. Think of their accomplishments. They may not physically be around, but we remember them because they did something worthwhile. Their deeds and their actions live forever in the history books. Your actions may change the course of history either by helping someone who will or you become part of that history. The course of our lives transcends through the eternities because the majesty of creativity lives within us all.

We need to learn how to tap into that creativity. One author, and vice president of the Orlando Magic, Pat Williams said, "Some people say that creativity is a talent you are either born with or not. I'm convinced that creativity is a skill that can be learned and nurtured. All people are essentially creative because we are all made in the image of a creative God. Creativity is our birthright, imagination is the essence of our being. Only when we are dreaming big dreams are we truly fulfilling our God-given purpose in life."

I write this blog because writing has always been my passion figuratively and literally speaking. However, I intend to write more in order for me to better my craft. I can't say that by writing once I am good. Like everything in life, it takes practice. Life takes practice, and it takes creativity to conquer any challenge that we face.

As I turn 30, I need to learn how to write the story for myself. Now, I just need to find a finer tipped pen.

Journal's note: Next week, truth comes in many form of subtleties that is usually expressed by word. However, this truth that I will discuss next week is never seen. Stay tuned!

Reflection before I turn 30: Limitations set a person free (Week 10)

My motivation. My passion. My actions. They are driven by the word purpose.

When I have purpose, things seem clear. It helps me bounce back, I have found. This past decade, I have learned that it is harder to bounce back when I don't have purpose. When I can't bounce back, I become depressed. One of the things that I had wished, before I started my journey into adulthood, was learning was both how to manage my emotions while managing my finances.

People that are addicted, or people that lack purpose they lean towards destructive activities. When I am depressed, I overspend my finances because I need an outlet. Not thinking rationally, I further my depression. However, the deeper reflection that I need to learn is how NOT to become depressed. Written in a deeper reflection in my personal journal, I have found that my depression stems from these sources:

1. I become depressed when I am in unfamiliar settings or uncomfortable settings.
2. I become depressed, when I don't follow my instuition allowing others to write my story for me.
3. I become depressed when I don't have purpose.

What happens when I am depressed:

1. I can't focus
2. I revert to my past
3. I become reckless with spending
4. I start to overeat
5. My body gains weight even if I exercise
6. I could care less about the tidiness of my house

I have been reflecting upon these behaviors, and I am glad that I recognize these behaviors. I think that too many people go through life not meditating why certain things happen to them. But, this is something I want to change. I wanted to set limitations on things that would trigger my depression.

By setting limitations, I can better track the course of my life; and help prevent me from asking "why" is the bad stuff happening to me. I can't change the "why" if I don't know the "what". An example of setting limitations is with finances. No answer is the same for everybody. I have found that setting a budget at the beginning of the month prevents me from overspending. It prevents rationalizing when I see a paycheck just to spend it. Setting these types of limitations helps me psychologically and emotionally from rationalizing anything at that specific moment - overspending. To be honest, I spend about four to six hours tracking - near the end of the month - my expenditures
ensuring that I have a surplus at the end of the month.

Limitations on what a person can do and can't do help focus a person's life giving it purpose - makes it less stressful. It sets a person free. This is my reflection before I turn 30.

Journal's note: I mentioned it in this post about others writing my story for me. I have read this in other blog posts reflecting what that meant for them when they turned 30. However, I wanted to elaborate what that means for me. This will be my next week's blog post.

Reflection before I turn 30: The Prayer of Inspiration (Week 9)

Tears were falling from my eyes and rage consumed me. I had just failed my first semester at the university. The events that followed were violent and heart - breaking that I fell into a deep despair. I would embellish it, but out of respect for the parties involved I will not share names or events that had happened.

I e-mailed my cousin, and told them the pain that I was experiencing - endless stream of tears were falling from my face as I uncontrollably sobbed as I wrote the e-mail. Over the years, this cousin had been my strength, and my counsel throughout my life. I can always appreciate Filipino families. Each extended member of your family becomes your rock through both good times and bad times. Thank you to my cousins who have provided me great memories that I have learned to cherish my entire life. However, I always turned to this cousin as they had always been there whenever I needed them. I could turn to them whenever I needed them. Around the time I turned 19 years old, I shared with them in an e-mail that I started to pray more often whenever I felt lonely or felt depressed. I will always remember the words that they stated to me. They said, "...That it shows that I had gained a degree of maturity that most people will never attain. People can never understand your problems, but God understands your problems better than any of us."

A tear flung from my eye as I could feel the compassionate truth in their words. They further taught me that as I learned to walk in the Lord's footsteps that I will see a change in my life. This is further illustrated in the poem, "Footprints" attached below: 

This poem has been touching, and I have learned to listen towards its counsel. Whether or not you believe in God, we can all agree that we need help sometimes. It can be frustrating to share your problems towards somebody you trust, and they don't understand those problems. It does take a courage of faith taking each step into the world. But, I have learned this past decade that it takes humility to comprehend that we can't do it alone. 

We may think that there is harm in believing in a magical figure in the sky that grants us wishes. And, I can understand non - believers in this notion. I have had my doubts in the past regarding whether there was a God. As I have gained humility, I have further come towards the understanding that there is even more harm thinking that we can do this alone. 

This is further embellished in the movie remake of Miracle on 34th Street.  Now here is a brief synopsis regarding the movie. A young girl meets a department store Santa Claus who claims that he is the real figure. This conflicts with her personal beliefs since her mother teaches her that there is no Santa Claus. This is my favorite quote out of the movie:

Dorey Walker: I don't think that there's any harm in not believing in a figure that many do acknowledge to be a fiction.

Kris Kringle: Oh, but there is. I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I I I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt.

Source: imdb.com

Taking an excerpt out of that quote, I will repeat it for effect, "....If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt."

Faith gives us hope. Hope drives our purpose. Purpose gives us meaning.

This formula has taught me a liberation that can't be taught. It can only be taught once a person is willing to listen once they have humbled themselves.

As I have humbled myself, I have grown as a compassionate person not just as a man; but a man with purpose. See, a man lives their lives hoping for change. A man with purpose drives for a better future until ultimately they take action towards that future.

Looking towards the future, I look upon the horizon with hope knowing that my story isn't done. The great deal of lessons, tribulations, trials and horrors has been both humbling and inspiring.

I will continue to pray towards God - humbled knowing that I can't do this alone. I am inspired to lead with this prayer of inspiration. This is how I will close my reflection before I turn 30. Amen.

Journal's note: Next week I will be sharing how limitations set you free.

Reflection before I turn 30: The Soul of a Man (Week 8)

In the hallways of my dichotomy, I see a picture of you and me
One smiles, and one frowns but don't represent which is up and which is down
You can't see which is real for I am the only one that feels
I am lost at sea.

People treated me with a keen ignorance angered by perspiration
Calling me "fag" out of desperation
Their outlook in was never a respiration of what I breathe
I feel as if I have paid the fee.

Starved for acceptance all I could show was confidence.
Confidence angered out of fear
Mirrors shattered due to tears
Blood gushing this is the pain I see.

Learning to grow, and learning tolerance
Memories flowing like remembrance
Learning a valuable lesson, tolerant
This is the lesson that I see.

People live for the moment
And, people who learn from the moment
I hope to be the latter in years come
This is the paid fee.

Grow from the moment
And, learn philosophically
You can do better than what they will ever see
Come, let's pay that fee.

Let's show them the soul of a man.
This is my reflection before I turn 30.

Journal's note: Next week will be the Prayer of Inspiration.

Reflection before I turn 30: Life's real trial (Week 7)

Hell is a place that I call home.

That sounds morbid, and psychotic; but it is true. Not just these past ten years, but I have experienced my fair share of trials and tribulations that most people would describe as incomprehensible. I can't embellish the scenarios that I have experienced, but I can say that I have learned from them.

As Kanye West said in his song, "Stronger" he sings, "Na-na-na that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger."

Though I have become stronger, my trials have taught me much about life. First, it has taught me that life is relentless. Second, it has taught me the main person who can help you is yourself. Thirdly, you can't help others if you can't help yourself.

I believe myself to be an altruistic person. I am willing to give my time and my money towards those people that I feel need it most. As much as possible, I try my best to seek out kindness in those that need comfort. But, I have learned that I can't keep helping others if I can't help myself.

Learning more about myself, I have always wondered why does the bad things happen to me? I think many of us ask that question. The problem with asking why - the motive - is we can never answer it. It is a common conundrum that most of us face. Hence, I started shifting the questioning to ask what can I do to prevent the bad things happening to me?

Though we can't control the external factors that affect our daily lives, we can control the internal factors - ourselves - so that the external factors can react positively towards us. Too many times, we shift the blame on others, because it is easy, rather than ask ourselves what could we have done to prevent the mishaps. After all, Isaac Newton stated, "For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction."

Now, there are some anomalies that we can't control no matter how much the external factors react to us. To this, I say, "You can't bury the pain, you can only become one with it." For years, I have tried to run from it rather than confronting it; and making peace with it. I still have many demons and skeletons in my closet, but accepting the pain, rather than running from it, has made my life a lot easier.

This is life's real trial. This is my reflection before 30.

Journal's note: Next week, I will be covering what makes the soul of a man.

Reflection before I turn 30: Life's Pensieve (Week 6)

Figure 1

What if you could know everything that is happening in your life, and have an answer for WHY it is happening? Would that interest you? Would it interest you that you could look up any moment in your life never forgetting a single detail?

In Harry Potter, that is one of the many functions of a Pensieve. For those that don't know what is a Pensieve, it is a basin where wizards and witches can literally view their memories. Their memories are extracted from their minds that can be stored later to be viewed in a basin. Wizards use it to look back on their memories, and relive certain past details. In the Harry Potter books, it was used to piece together clues regarding the Horcruxes (See Figure 1).

Though we can't use magic to extract memories, we can use words to help embellish a world that will help us remember our past. These "words" that I am referring towards is creating a journal, diary or scrapbook - anything that can help you to remember past events.

Preparing for the future is just as important as remembering the past. In fact, it could even be more important. As George Santanya, a Spanish poet, once stated, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."

This is vital to note as many people wonder "why" bad things happen in their life as if it is just random occurrences. The more colloquial phrase that people use is that "shit happens" as if they can't explain why it is happening to them. The most important question that I don't think anyone asks is what can you do to prepare for disaster? As my social worker used to counsel me, you can't control the external factors. You can only control yourself.

One can predict the future by preparing now. For example, a seismologist can record data to predict the next volcanic event or earthquake event. By knowing this data, people can create an emergency kit; and prepare for that disaster. Your journal is your data of your life.

In a fast paced world, I don't think we take the time to "smell the roses". When disaster strikes that's when we remember the roses only to be pricked by thorns. To that I say, well why didn't you water the garden? Nothing can be predicted 100 percent, but people should have a good enough idea what is happening in their life that they can prepare for it. Only you will know that answer as you're living your life 24/7. If you're observant you will notice the internal patterns and external patterns that may be occurring in your life. As I stated in a previous blog post, one's life or advice doesn't transcend into another person's life.

World famous violinist, Lindsey Stirling, states at 49 minutes and 20 seconds that writing in her journal, "that the you of the past is so much smarter." (Attached is that link below. I would highly recommend watching this one hour long video. It is really inspiring. Just click to watch.)

Lindsey Stirling Face to Face

Over this past decade, I have learned that writing a journal is an art. It takes practice. But, I can testify that the more I write in my journal the more I do become smarter and wiser. Ms. Stirling is correct. Furthermore, I have turned to my journal on numerous occasions when I wanted an answer - it is that thorough. Just this 2017, I underwent therapy; and I was wondering why I have depressive mood swings. Bringing this up with my therapists, they couldn't answer that question for me. Not knowing the answer either, I decided to turn towards my journal which provided me the answer. I have found that when I am focused on something regardless whether I attain it or not keeps my focus. It also provides purpose to my life - purpose on how to keep going.

I know that this is an important lesson that I hope to take into my 30's. Though it is important to learn from the past, one shouldn't be bogged down by it. We should remember the past to help us observe the trends within our life. My journal has helped me in this endeavor, and I will continue writing in it. I hope to become a better person because of my journal.

This is an important reflection before 30.

Journal note: As each week passes, I will get deeper with these reflections. Next week, I have learned a valuable lesson about life's real trial. Stay tuned.

Reflection before I turn 30: Water and Oil Don't Mix (Week 5)

Have you mixed water and oil together? For those that haven't, I will fill you in on a secret. They don't mix. What will happen is the oil will just stir like a glob inside water.

The reason why I bring up mixing water and oil is the metaphorical concept behind business.

Before I go into the details of the metaphor, I want to touch basis on why I didn't learn this concept sooner. First, I want to say that my favorite entrepreneur is Walt Disney. Walt became my favorite entrepreneur when I started studying different entrepreneur's biographies at age 19. It touched my heart, because Walt always placed the family first. The fact that he was able to attain a successful marriage, and achieve his dreams is an impressive feat.

Upon reading Walt's biography, one of the lessons that made his life successful was that he believed his employees were his friends. Working at the Disney Studio during Walt's time people were on a first name basis. In fact, Walt would reprimand a person if they ever called him Mr. Disney.

Walt had many great qualities that I started to emulate how I deal with my professional relationships. There seemed to be a trending way that entrepreneurs did business. They entrusted people that were either family or friend recruiting them as a business partner. Some examples, include, but not limited to Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak; Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Suavarin; and Walt Disney and Roy Disney. Two of these relationships were successful, but two also were strained relationships. Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Suavarin were no longer best friends when Eduardo's name was removed from the Facebook masthead. Walt and Roy Disney had constant fights over finances that it was a miracle that they stayed as business partners while not disowning each other as brothers.

I could find other examples regarding the successes and failures of friendships in business. For some it works, and for others it doesn't work. I have learned a valuable lesson that if there is inconsistency in the answer then it is best that one should stay away from it. In this case, it means that it is best that friendships don't belong in business relationships.

I used to believe that a person can be both a business partner and friend. But, my experience has changed that viewpoint. First, it provides confusion of relationships. This causes bitterness in parties especially when there are disagreements and tough calls that need to be made. Second, favoritism can take place especially among employees which can cause disharmony in the workplace. Third, treating your friends like customers makes other people feel like they are being sold. This feeling of being sold can make people feel like they are a dollar sign rather than a person whom you value.

It is important to note it prevents fraternization among people we consider friends.

I could talk more about this lesson, but it is important note that I need not to mix water and oil; and not friends as both business partners and people I value.

This is an important reflection before 30.

Journal note: I will be talking about the importance of keeping a journal, and how my journal has been a benefit.

Reflection before I turn 30: The Real Story of Success (Week 4)

There once was a boy who dreamed big dreams.

He dreamed of going to college majoring in biology with the hopes that he wanted to become a pediatrician. But, failed his first semester of college.

He continued throughout college, but continued to be placed on academic probation.

Though he dreamed, he experienced many failures that prevented him from achieving his dream of just graduating.

What started out pursuing a medical career ended up just a dream towards graduating.

If you haven’t figured it out, this story is referring towards me.

Now, I want to be clear that I didn’t purposefully place myself on academic probation. I tried my best, and due to certain circumstances out of my control it happened that way.

But, throughout my college years I was very observant regarding the word success.

Observing my surroundings, I wondered why is it that there are people out there in the world who don’t attend college, and they are successful? Why is it that there are business leaders, actors, musicians and people who have dreams that don’t make it?

And, those people who work towards their dreams; and win usually don’t have college degrees. Furthermore, no matter how hard a person works it will NEVER work out.

Over these years, I have tried different methods and different programs working towards different goals; but most of them don’t work out. Why?

The nonsensical common answer is it wasn’t meant to be. But, that doesn’t provide a logical point of view. Personally, I have found that the reason why certain things don’t work out is because there is more than one answer to success.

In other words, we let people tell us how to be successful rather than follow our intuition and reflect upon ourselves why we aren’t successful. I have learned a valuable lesson that each of our own experiences will usually never work on other people’s lives. Why? Because our own experiences were made for our OWN. Our own experiences can’t account for all the variables that most people experience. Our own experiences can’t predict or can’t teach others how to live their life. One person’s life doesn’t transcend other people’s lives; otherwise, we would all be successful. In other words, if going to college is the key towards success than why is it that more than 70 percent of university students are in debt; and can’t find jobs?

Just providing one example, our own bias provides a myopic viewpoint towards life.

Artist, Rag ‘N Bone Man wrote a song that provides the depth of tactility that my words provide. That song is posted above. 

Sometimes, it is hard to find out our own successful path because we are programmed since birth to want to follow rather than lead. There are many good books out there on the market that teaches people how to reprogram their minds to lead rather than follow. As Dr. John C. Maxwell philosophy states, “Everything rises and falls on leadership”.

It is important to remember that success does have more than one answer. As Steve Jobs quoted, “Innovation distinguishes between a leader and a follower”.

Learn to innovate. Learn to design. Learn to lead.

This is a principle that I wanted to reflect upon. This lesson is something that I look forward to bringing into the new decade, and leading with it. I hope to lead with the mindset that there is always more than one answer towards success.

An important reflection before I hit 30.  

Journal's note: Next week, I will be talking about how water and oil don't mix; and how this metaphor relates to what I have learned regarding business.

Reflection before I turn 30: Countdown to "Working Like An Ant" (Week 3)

Ants are fascinating creatures.

They work all day without stopping, and they serve the queen in the process.

They can build fascinating structures, and carry structures that are ten times their body weight.

Their impressive work ethic astounds me. Hence, I have learned that a person can learn a lot from an ant.

The part that intrigues me about ants is how they they can work little-by-little, and accomplish a lot.

Before I continue, I want to add this is not an original concept that I learned. I first encountered the lesson, "Working Like An Ant" in Dr. Henry Cloud's book 9 Things Graduates Must Do To Succeed In Life.

Providing context, I read this book after I graduated college. The wisdom in this tiny, but powerful book provided both direction towards my life and wisdom I needed.

One of my favorite principles that I learned from this book was working like an ant.

This principle was not only fun to read, but it helped me improve upon myself. One thing that I have done poorly is worry too much about the future that I can't control. In fact, I would worry too much about the future that I couldn't focus on today - work that presently needed to be done.

In this principle, Dr. Cloud has the same problem where he worries about the massive dissertation that he has to complete. However, he remembered how an ant works that if you work little - by - little a person can accomplish a lot.

I used to think that an hour in a day wasn't a lot of time. However, being the in the military I have learned that if a person moves with a sense of urgency, and thinks only about what he going to do within the first minute for that first task, surprisingly, they can accomplish a lot.

We self - defeat ourselves before the task has even started, and if we forget everything that we have to do then we will accomplish a lot. Like an ant, they don't care about how much work they need accomplished. They just work!

This is a simple principle that I wanted to reflect upon. This lesson of working like an ant is something that I look forward to bringing into the new decade, and improving upon it.

An important reflection before I hit 30.

Journal's note: I talk about what I have discovered about success, and how the definition has differed for me than for other people.

Reflection before I turn 30: Countdown to Boomerangs (Week 2)

Throw a boomerang.

Go ahead, and find one. I will wait.

Have you thrown one, yet?

I'm guessing you haven't, and just would rather go on reading this blog. But, if you did or have tried throwing one in the past you may have discovered that it is rather difficult to throw. Furthermore, it is even more difficult for it to be returned. It takes skill, and most Aussies, nickname for Australians, take years to practice curving that boomerang back towards them.

And, the Boomerang Principle does take skill, and patience learning - just like learning how to properly throw a boomerang.

I first learned this principle when I bought the book by Dr John C. Maxwell titled Winning with People: Discover The People Principles That Work For You Everytime.  When I purchased this book, it wasn't my initial intention to buy it. In fact, I was planning to buy another business book. I don't know what prompted me the beginning semester of 2008, but I am glad that I did.

This book exposed me to Dr. Maxwell's world, and I learned a great deal of business that has only been supplemented by other books. One of the key elements that I have learned about business is that it isn't just dependent upon numbers but the people who run the business. In fact, Dr. Maxwell's philosophy is this: "Everything rises and falls on leadership".

Great leaders require us to train, mentor, understand and become examples towards people who are following you. I have discovered the best leaders care for both the people in their organization but also the people outside their organization. Though this is a people training book, this book can be used for business. I have used this book both through my personal life and professional life. It has greatly benefited me in both aspects.

Though I don't remember every principle listed in this book, the one principle that has greatly helped
me throughout my life is the principle regarding boomerangs.

Now, there is a great story that Dr. Maxwell shares regarding his father; and the rude people who worked alongside him. I suggest you pick up the book to read about it. But, the jist of the principle is "when we help others, we help ourselves".

Throughout our lives we will encounter people we won't get along, and people who will disparage us. It is easy for us to throw grudges; and judge those people. It is a human fault, and it is one that is hard to overcome. I, for one, am a forgiving person; and I do have my limitations to how many times I can forgive a person. But, the thing about the Boomerang Principle is that it taught me to continuously do good to people even though they may hurt you in the process. In time, they will return that kindness back to you. I can testify to you that it works!

In the military, I had a person that would continuously harass me and disparage me making me feel lonely. In fact, there were times I contemplated suicide over it because I felt alone and unhappy. However, I remembered this principle; and it helped me. I never talked back to this person, instead I would always act with kindness; and though it took two years before we started getting along, I learned a valuable lesson that when you act with kindness it will be returned - it will require patience.

Contention breeds hate, but kindness lasts eternally in the mind of others. What I liked about this principle is that aligns along with one of my favorite movies. In the movie Gladiator, starring Russell Crowe, there is a quote that Proximo teaches Maximus to win his freedom.

Proximo quotes: "I didn't win, because I killed quickly....win the crowd, win your freedom".

Those words, "win the crowd, win your freedom" has stuck by me these many years. Only reading Dr. Maxwell's book did I understand what winning the crowd means. This is different than pleasing people.

Pleasing people means that you change for those people so that you will fit in. Sometimes, you sacrifice parts of yourself leading towards an unhappy path. But, "winning the crowd" is different. You don't change. You return their attacks with kindness; and show them something that they have never seen or didn't expect. In other words, it is meant to inspire. Inspiration is stronger than unhappiness. When a person inspires they win the mob as did Maximus, and "have an army greater than Rome's".

I have applied these lessons to my life, and though I have been alone for most my life, I can testify that these principles are true. I just don't preach a principle, I have lived the principle.

Remember these two principles from this week's reflection: "Win the crowd" and "Boomerangs work". The steeper the price of inspiration the more priceless is your influence.

These lessons I look forward to taking with me into the new decade as I learn how to "win the crowd" better. It isn't over has this is my countdown to boomerangs.

An important reflection before I hit 30.

Journal's note: Next week, I will be talking how ants have helped teach me valuable lessons this past decade. Stay tuned!

Reflection: Countdown to something new (Week 0 - Introduction)

Reflection.

These past months, I have been reflecting upon this past decade.

This past decade has taught me a lot about myself, and the things that are important to me. As a decade closes in 14 weeks, and I turn 30 years old things that used to matter don't matter as much anymore.

As every decade closes, we discover more about ourselves. We grow, and we become better people. We meet people along the way that help change us. And, some of these people help us achieve our dreams.

I know that I wouldn't have made it this far in life had it not been for certain people. Overall, many people have taught  me many lessons that have made me the man that I am today. Over the next 14 weeks, I want to highlight those lessons as both a reminder to me and something that I can share with people.

I am blessed to have this life. And, I hope that these lessons will shed light as to why I am blessed. I couldn't have made it this far from friends and family.

So, thank you. This is my reflection to a countdown towards a new decade.

This will be my reflection for the next 14 weeks.

Reflection before I turn 30: Countdown to Humility (Week 1)

Reflection before I hit 30: Countdown to Humility

Why a countdown to humility?

For me humility has been a journey understanding the meaning behind the word and putting action behind the word. Many of you may know me as an outspoken, extroverted and cocky person. I want to say this was not always so.

As a child growing up, I was the complete opposite. I was introverted, and shy. And, there is a psychological reason behind this attitude; but that is a personal story for another time. If it weren't for the help of my parents, who would tell me to stop being grouchy; and high school jocks telling me to be more confident in myself I would have never been more social.

Now, I tested my social waters in college; and this was the first time I truly tested it. In high school and middle school, I didn't have a social life. In fact, it was always about goals and ambitions. Many of my family and closest friends knew how packed my day - to - day schedule consisted to the point that I was sleeping between an average of two to four hours per day - only catching up my sleep on the weekends! Some people from church had asked my parents and I how I was able to maintain a schedule while still maintaining on the high school honor roll. To be honest, I didn't know. I guess it was my drive of wanting to excel that sustained me.

Nevertheless, my well - being, psychological circle - a circle that consists of social, academics and physical - was imbalanced. More than 90 percent of my time was devoted towards academics and physical with very little time to social activities. Of course, this drained my way of being able to learn how to properly interact and socially interact with people. Furthermore, this made me both shy and awkward around social situations which resulted in me looking prideful.

Over this past decade, I have had to learn a delicate balance between being who I am as a person and how I interact with people. I realize that being considerate about other people's feelings is far more important than how I should act in every situation. In other words, just because I can act that way doesn't mean I should act that way every time. In fact, it started my journey towards humility.

The most important lesson that I have learned about humility compared to other noble characteristics is that it is an endless lesson. Why? Well, C.S. Lewis said it best derived from his book Mere Christianity. He stated:

In other words, I have learned that humility isn't something that I can think I am good at doing. It is something that people notice. In fact, I taught myself a lesson in my early 20's that the moment I catch myself saying that I am humble, because I believed that I am humble, does that, in fact, make me humble? It does not. Why? Because, I was the one that said it. In fact, that would make me prideful because I already thought that I am humble; and I didn't need to humble myself ANYMORE. 

This faulty thinking tripped me up in my teen years, and I had to learn this lesson the harsh way with my outspoken personality into my early 20's years. It took me awhile until I learned this lesson, but I had lost friends along the way; and I had upset family members. This wake - up taught me that I needed to change. 

And, that change was humility. 

Earlier I stated that I needed to find that delicate balance between being me and how I interact with people. I know that I can come off as arrogant when I share things with people, but I hope that was never my intention. My intention is to make people feel included as I want people to come along for the ride. Since this is a new decade, and I am learning to be more humble - the most important trait I am improving - I hope that I can learn from people; and apologize to people that I have hurt along the way. 

I hope this new decade in my life can be an endless lesson of humility. As I learn these lessons, and as I learn to improve my character, I know that it may be a steep price to pay. Nevertheless, the steeper the price the more priceless will be the lesson of humility. 

These lessons I look forward to taking with me into my new decade, and growing from it. It isn't over as this is my countdown to humility. 

An important reflection before I hit 30. 

JOURNAL SIDE NOTE: 

I know that as each week passes, I will be sharing personal things about my life in these blog posts - something I am careful of sharing - but I know these lessons have been important in my life that I felt needed to be shared. 

Furthermore, I have read other blog posts who have reflected upon their 20's before hitting 30 writing small blurbs about lessons they learned. However, I have learned a lot this past decade that I didn't want a 30 page blog post. I wanted to make this blog post easy to read; and hopefully, enjoyable. 

Next week, the lesson I want to share will be about boomerangs; and how that lesson helped me in my life. 

Glimmer: Fate in Second Person

This week's glimmer has been nostalgia regarding the moments of my life. I have been reflecting upon two quotes that I have heard in my life that I find that many of us don't realize.

The first quote is from the movie The Last Samurai where Nathan Algren narrates, ".....I am beset by the ironies of my life".

The second quote, which is also in this blog entry, is a quote I heard from an elderly woman, whom I know, that I heard a long time ago. The quote narrates, "Insight into your past provides foresight into your future".

These two quotes are dear to my heart because it has been making me reflect upon the word, fate. Lately, I have been wondering how much of our lives is by choice and how much of our lives are predestined. Also, since I hit the big 3 - 0 this year I have been pondering a lot regarding this past decade. Pondering what I can learn from it.

Let me embellish one example, and there are hundreds of examples; but this one is simple that many people can relate. This example draws upon receiving a university degree whether that be a bachelors degree or an associates degree. Now, some may say that earning a degree is propagated within your control. After all, a person does the application process; once accepted a person does the assignments hoping to earn that degree. Simple, right?

However, let us throw some factors - these are some examples that I reflected upon - that might hinder a person from earning that degree. They may find that they have a learning disability during their college years that might hinder them from earning that degree. They may get into a car accident which places them into a coma. They lose a loved one that completely changes them.

Now, some of you may be saying, that these are external factors outside of their control. Yes, they are outside their control; but most people when they start a goal, they have a passion and a drive that shines within their eyes that no matter what the obstacle, they would achieve their goal. No matter how much help they receive they can't achieve their goal; and the only other option is to give up.

For example, Helen Keller was both blind and deaf which didn't hinder her from earning her college degree. Beethoven was deaf but that didn't stop him from making some of the most beautiful music the world that has ever known. These are two successful examples, but think about the people in your life that have outside factors outside their control that also have dreams. Think about your life, and how many dreams didn't come true? How many have actually achieved THEIR desires?

How much of it is by choice? And, how much is predestined? And, that's where this glimmer starts. These are broad strokes drawn from my life as fate is drawn in second person:

"Your fates are intertwined. You cannot change what you cannot hide.

"You have tried to change the inevitability only to see a road parallel to things past. Alas, your the only one that understands these ironies.

"You have reflected upon your life many hours, many days and many nights. Summed up in years as you have journeyed this life alone.

"Alone it may seem your past shows to feel that you know insight into your past provides foresight into your future.

"That last phrase, 'insight into your past provides foresight into your future' makes you ponder  upon memories. It gives you hope that you may have all the answers.

"You realize then that life can not be chance random processes hiding the subtleties of every irony. No!

"You know that life is Governed by natural laws paralleled by things past.

"A past that only you can see. Only answer. Only understand.

"You know now that your world is going to come full circle. Your reflection. Your.....

"FATE."

Reflection: Capsaicin

Reflection.

Reflection is another type of blog post that I will be using to broaden my blog entries. Unlike glimmers, reflections are going to be based upon nostalgic moments that I recently had in my life or in my past. I derive my reflection from events that have taught me lessons along the way compared to a glimmer being an inspirational thought that can have philosophical connotations.

Nevertheless, I hope that a reflection can be a way to either teach you something; think about something differently; or help a reader be nostalgic with me. I find that writing things out both calms me and helps me grow as a person.

This past week, I learned a fun fact as I was visiting a burrito fast - food joint. In this restaurant while I was on my lunch break, I was glancing around the restaurant reading about healthy, nutritious ways that the ingredients in burritos help people live healthy. One fun ("hot") fact caught my eye which stated, "Capsaicins, which is the chemical compound found in spicy foods, and what cause the spicy sensation, can inhibit cancer cells".

As I was masticating on my scrumptious burrito a grin came across my face regarding the first time I chewed on a spicy green chile pepper. The story happened when I was about nine years old when my family was visiting Sacramento, California. One of my relatives had cooked my favorite Filipino dish, Dinuguan, when translated into English, is Bloody - Pork. It is meat innards cooked in a pork's blood. Here is a picture on the right.

In fact, it is my favorite Filipino dish. I have had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner for FIVE days straight at another relative's house. I love this dish that much. Some of you might be queasy right now, but you wouldn't understand what you're missing. But, that is another story for another time.

Anyways, we are back in Sacramento, California. I am a naive, nine - year old eating my dish. I say naive, because the way my mother cooks this dish is without green chile peppers. Now, my aunt who lives in Sacramento does cook this dish with green chile peppers. Upon seeing the green chile pepper, I thought it was a green bell pepper that wasn't going to be spicy. So, without thought, I took a bite of the entire green chile pepper. The figure on the left is exactly what the pepper looked like in texture.

Let me be clear, there are different types of Green Chile Peppers. A common Green Pepper, The New Mexico Green Chile Pepper, has a Scoville Heat Scale Ranking between  350 to 30,000 units (Scoville Scale is used to rank the intensity of spice). Though I didn't know what type of Green Chile I placed into my mouth, I can take a guess that it must have been a New Mexico Green Chile Pepper seeing that it did feel like my mouth was on fire the moment I chewed on it. Since I was young, and naive, I think this was the first time I had placed something spicy into my mouth. The moment I chewed upon that pepper, the juices oozed pain that simultaneously lit my tongue on fire with my ears fuming smoke. I screamed, running around the house like an idiotic, crazed mad - man screaming "MY MOUTH IS ON FIRE". As hilarious as it is to think about this story now, it was excruciating to think about it during that moment.

Both my aunt and my mother looked at me wondering why I was screaming. It took them a moment until they realized that I had just eaten a pepper. Immediately, they rushed towards me with a glass of water.

Again, naively, it only increased the pain. Now I was covering my ears while I was screaming around the house uttering the same words that I was screaming already. The heat felt unbearable that I could hardly contain both my screaming and crying. Again, my family rushed towards me with a glass of water. And, again the pain worsened. I just wasn't getting it.

Scientifically, the reason why water isn't going to help with spiciness is because water only spreads the Capsaicin oils around the mouth making those oils "bind" towards your tongue. The only proven method to remove those oils in your mouth is anything with dairy products. However, I didn't know this fact.

It took almost an hour until my mouth finally calmed down. After that incident, I vowed I would never eat another chile pepper or eat anything spicy. But, lo and behold I have done other stupid, spicy challenges such as: taking drops of the world's hottest - hot sauce and the Buffalo Wild Wings Spicy Wing Challenge. Both were stupid feats both done on a dare. I will tell you that the world's hottest - hot sauce instructs a person to only place a drop of it into chili because that is all the heat it needs. However, when I was dared to take a drop, I "accidentally" dropped more than five drops onto my tongue causing a heat that can only be described as diabolical. In fact, there wasn't any words that could describe  that amount of pain. That pain wasn't compared to Buffalo Wild Wings as it was more embarrassing than painful. After I had completed my Buffalo Wild Wings challenge, my nose was bleeding and I visited the bathroom more than FIVE times that day. In fact, I don't think I ever left more than five feet from a bathroom toilet that day. The after effects of B-dubs was more painful than eating the wings themselves.

As I am typing these memories up, I am smirking at myself because I am wondering if I had learned my lesson. May be not, but the lesson that I hadn't known at that time was all those spicy food challenges was actually improving my health by inhibiting cancer cells.

I guess the take away that I had learned from all my spicy food challenges was there was some good that came out of it even though they were bad for me during that time. Applying this towards life, sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives can provide us the most benefit. Though we might not see it during that time, we will see it later.

Someday, like me, you might be eating a burrito reading: "Capsaicins, which is the chemical compound found in spicy foods, and what cause the spicy sensation, can inhibit cancer cells". Then, and only then, can you say may be I did learn something valuable from my bad choices. Choices that start with not knowing how capaicin can be beneficial to your health.

That is my reflection.

Glimmer: Harshest Words in Second Person

What are people thinking? Does it bother you that sometimes people may be thinking one thing, but saying another? There are times in my life where I have felt betrayed beyond measure, because people are plastic.

Nevertheless, I always feel I should give people the benefit of the doubt feeling that people are inherently good with the intention to do good. But, being good can also be a bad thing especially when thoughts don't correlate with action. How?

Ever heard of the saying that good intentions pave the way to hell? People may be doing good, but due to their actions or words they may be betraying you with the intent to do harm. Over the years, I have noticed that people, and not yourself, can be the greatest threat to your personal growth; because people influence our thoughts and actions.

In fact, I have recently read this quote while working around the place I work. The quote goes like this: "Success isn't dependent upon your choices, but the choices of others. It is through the help of others that we succeed that can change the variable of everything".

We are congratulated to succeed by other people, but we often forget if it weren't for the other people in our life we would NEVER succeed i.e. college diploma is achieved with the help of professors. Hypocritically, there are some teachers that I have had distaste even though my actions and words were different in front of them. I am just as guilty as showing good, but still paving my way towards hell by thinking something completely different.

These have been my thoughts these past two weeks, and without further ado here is "Harshest Words in Second Person":


"The harshest words are never spoken. You don't express feelings of negativity, anger, frustration and guilt leaving people to their assumptions.

"You think you're doing them a service by not stating what you're feeling and thinking.

"You think that you're doing what is best by not saying a sound. But, you're leaving them to their assumptions and judgment over things people will never understand.

"You don't think of repercussions because the paradigm you see is that moment - nothing else. In that moment, you're trying to protect yourself, YOURSELF, from being hurt. Selfish may be? But, that person is also thinking the same thing.

"Thoughts lead to emotion. Emotion leads to suffering. Suffering leads to negative action. A road you didn't see because you lived in that moment.

"You're blinded by selfishness. Greed. Your protection.

"Protection of the harshest words. Words left unspoken."

Porches in Second Person

Just this last week, I sat on my porch watching the sunset admiring nature's painting. It is always inspiring to see how nature could have painted something magnificent which made me wonder does nature have a mind of its own?

Whether or not you believe in God, I always find it awe inspiring that no two sunsets are alike. In fact, the color patterns sometimes can be different which makes me want to believe that nature draws its sunsets with inspiration.

Inspiration can come from anywhere; and once that "ah-ha" moment comes don't let it go because it could be the most beautiful sunset that could be created.

I want to add some backstory to this week's glimmer, my inspirational thought for the week, that I watch both sunsets and night - skies on my porch when I was both a kid and a teenager. I did this almost every weekend to hopefully calm the loneliness I felt, and for inspiration. It was always nice seeing the night - skies at night as I would lay on the grass wondering about the universe.

Even at that age, the wonders of the universe excited me at the many possibilities that it could bring. In fact, it always piqued my curiosity wanting to learn more. Sometimes, I even wished upon stars seeing if my wish would come true. Usually it was one of two wishes. I will say that both those wishes came true in some shape or form, but I won't share them in this blog. However, I will share how porches helped me to meditate and dream the possibilities as infinitely as the stars above.

Without further ado, this is "Porches In Second Person":

"You have had a long day. You need time to brush those cares away. You know very few people will understand you so you need a private place to enjoy and relax.

Your house porch has become that place. Back when you had a lot of time you would be sitting there without any type of care. It became your sanctuary, your porch!"

You allowed yourself to think deep thoughts to help hide the confusion and the pain. You lived in that moment wishing it would last longer."

Sometimes, you would sit there into the late hours of the night while neighbors starred asking if you were okay. You would tell a white lie that everything was fine because you knew they would never understand."

Only you would understand your dreams. Your passion. Your pain. Your anger. Your world."

Just like a porch where you sit. Your sitting on top of YOUR world."

Your porch was your escape with the hope of a better world. That's the pain people will never understand."

Your porch was the beginning of your understanding."

Glimmer: Calendars in Second Person

The inspiration for this came from the thoughts when I was young. Lately, I have been thinking of a calendar. Now, I am willing to bet that some of you view calendars different now, as an adult, then when you were a child. How?

Well, as a child you looked at calendars as a way to keep track towards special events. The most important event that most children look forward to is graduation - when they don't have to EVER do homework. I know that I used to count down towards that day, which may be a surprise for some; because I have always loved school. I love learning, and it is a passion that I have carried into my adult years. I am still reading books, and I love sharing my knowledge with others as I learn from them as well.

As an adult, we are dreading the work week; and hoping for the weekend - the measly two days that will allow us rest and relaxation. But, this isn't anymore different than being a child. I have had an interesting thought regarding time and calendars. I find that they are not the same concept!

Though we associate time with a calendar there seems to be a different parallel between these two things. Time keeps track of dates: hours, minutes, days, months and years. Calendars keep track of events things that we hope and we plan. Simply, time keeps track of dates while calendars keep track of events.

Lately, my heart has been full; and I have been crying tears because I have been emotional regarding this concept. Why? Well, it is because I have come to the realization that some of us may feel like we are stuck in a rut especially when life now seems monotonous as an adult. From sociological research, the average adult spends about six to eight hours watching television; an average of eight hours sleeping; and about another eight hours working. When I was brought this concept, it made me wonder where, then, do we find the time for ourselves? Furthermore, I brought this up with my therapist, and they said that this is the reason why some people feel in a rut.

Which begs the further question, what is the purpose with our life? It begged the further question, are we now just looking and waiting for the time of our death? Or, are we going to make something worth of that time so that we don't have to feel like we are stuck in "rut"?

These are some thoughts that I wanted to share regarding the inspiration for this glimmer. But, I want to further share that I am still looking at time like a "calender" rather than looking at it as "time" itself. How? Well, I always look for events in my life because I always try to move with a purpose.

A purpose that I only see. I can feel. And, I believe. Life always has more meaning when our perspectives change, and it moves with a purpose. Hence, I am blessed to live my life.

Without further ado, here is "Calendars in Second Person":

"Calendars. You look at one.

You look at dates with purpose. Anticipation. Hope. Knowledge knowing it isn't as linear as some.

Some people dread Monday as it comes only after the weekend thinking their problems has ended.

Life has become a cyclical motion. No purpose. No resolution. No light at the end of the progression.

Folley thinking. Your heart is dreading will this ever end? Am I just waiting to be dead?

Waiting to stand still.

You look at days and numbers wondering why they look so similar. Now, you're feeling very peculiar.

Peculiar it may seem that the rest of society would want nothing more for you unless you bring purpose and hope to no longer a sentimental thought.

You look at calendars as a time just waiting to end. No! You're looking for events that they will never understand.

You can't share. You can't whisper. You can only show.

For now you understand that for now you are not part of the rest.

The rest who dread Monday to see calendars as cyclical. You will giggle as your heart knows you will be the some, of a little, that will never know.

For you, calendars are the future dates that you know are ahead.

You're ready to make people's minds bend. Set the calendar. And, set the trend.

This will not be your end."

Glimmer: Alone in second person

In light of personal events, recent events and future events; I have had an epiphany that I felt needed a glimmer. Again, a "glimmer" is a type of inspiration that I gleaned from the day or during the week. This glimmer has been nagging at my soul, and I feel that it is important that I express it. Furthermore, this glimmer has dark undertones; and it has truth inflected upon feeling. This glimmer came from somebody in the Veteran Administration who stated to me, "You're the professional over your own universe". I have been reflecting upon those words these last couple of months; but I think I have an idea what he meant.

This is "Alone In Second Person". Hence, these are my feelings:

You are alone.

You will never feel. You will never convey what people can never understand. People can't feel what you feel. People can't see what you see. People can't comprehend how you think.

400,000 words in the English language can't convey what you feel. You can't share those words. You can't understand what is experienced. Hence, you will understand that you're alone. There is darkness in your soul. Emptiness that can't be filled. Sorrowfulness that can't be understood. Feelings that you can't share.

You speak. You whisper. You hear. You try to see. You can never feel. You can't feel that agony. You can't understand that your language is finite. Hence, your understanding is finite.

Your understanding, An interesting concept.

You gain it. You learn it. You can never share it because you experience it. Hence, you journey alone.

In the darkness where it lies is a dichotomy that can't be defeated. You are alone.

Your cause. Your resolution. Your world. Your universe. You're the only one that sees it. No one else.

You can express it, but silence is all that can be heard.

Senses are diminished in your universe as you stand alone.

You're the only one that can make sense of it.

You are alone.

LIFE LESSON: The greatest lesson is SILENCE

Shut up!

Hush.

Don't say a word.

Don't even think.

Turn off the music.

Did that make you feel uncanny?

In a world filled with relentless clamor, as a society we have become accustomed to rumble. And, psychological thought of being left alone with just deafening silence can be uncomfortable.

Have you ever sat in a room for hours with nothing around you assuring that you're still part of reality? I have. And, I dare you to try it. Let's see how long you last. I lasted for several hours in a dark room, and I promise you I would never do it again.

But, why would I experience such an extreme that tested my sanity?

Before I answer that inquisition, I want to share that I finished reading the book, "How To Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie two months ago, courtesy of my cousin. First, I want to, again, say thank you for gifting this wonderful read. Second, if you haven't read this book I highly recommend reading it. It has many insights on how to win people over and getting along with people. There are many ideas that can help with people, but there is one idea that I want to apply towards this blog entry. The idea that I learned was that people are selfish.

What does that mean?

Well, it simply means that people just want their viewpoint to be heard from just their social paradigm. When people argue they argue on the basis of first - person rather than finding common ground to agree upon. People fight tooth-and-nail to have their voices heard; and in the process show little regard towards other people's feelings rather than save face. Furthermore, they don't LISTEN towards other people because they THINK they are right. Mr. Carnegie's idea brought new insight that had me reflecting upon how I react with people. Though I have been implementing this concept into my interactions, the way he explains it in his book had me clamoring for better ways towards my interactions.

But, you may be wondering what does this have to do with the word "silence''?

The reflection that had me clamoring towards better interactions had me think about myself. I reflected upon the times that I have shared events with people and, sometimes, I shared how I have been grateful for people that have impacted my life. I have done this through social media or through my personal interactions; but I have found most people have been overly critical especially if what I have planned doesn't come true.

Judgmental? May be.

Or, may be I needed to look inside myself; and ask myself have I been selfish? Have I been selfish by wanting to share things that are personal to me? Have I been selfish when those personal goals didn't come true? Have I been selfish that I wanted to include people into my life? Have I been selfish, because I wanted people to feel like they were included? Is that really selfish?

It has been a personal reflection upon my soul. And, I have realized that people can have their right towards their criticisms; but to be silent is no longer selfish.

Now, I can't be hurt. The only disappointment that I hold is towards myself, because nobody knows exactly my plans. Nobody else has to share that disappointment should my plans not come true. It destroys the dichotomy without disappointing people who I have shared my plans.

I have learned that it is just best to show that you can accomplish something rather than saying it. Parties aren't hurt. After all, actions speak louder than words. If you don't believe me, I might just as well show it. And, hence silence has become my greatest lesson.

Silence has also become my lesson of humility.

READER NOTE: If you're going to ask me how my life is going, and what my plans are in the future, I won't ignore you, and I will respond based upon what is happening. Please do not misunderstand this post. But, I won't go into too much detail regarding my life only when it is the right time. As the old adage goes, "all things come in good time".

In a previous blog post, I talk about time - please read it if you want to understand what I am referring towards. Remember, the proper timing is the real magic in our lives.