Reflection before I turn 30: The Prayer of Inspiration (Week 9)

Tears were falling from my eyes and rage consumed me. I had just failed my first semester at the university. The events that followed were violent and heart - breaking that I fell into a deep despair. I would embellish it, but out of respect for the parties involved I will not share names or events that had happened.

I e-mailed my cousin, and told them the pain that I was experiencing - endless stream of tears were falling from my face as I uncontrollably sobbed as I wrote the e-mail. Over the years, this cousin had been my strength, and my counsel throughout my life. I can always appreciate Filipino families. Each extended member of your family becomes your rock through both good times and bad times. Thank you to my cousins who have provided me great memories that I have learned to cherish my entire life. However, I always turned to this cousin as they had always been there whenever I needed them. I could turn to them whenever I needed them. Around the time I turned 19 years old, I shared with them in an e-mail that I started to pray more often whenever I felt lonely or felt depressed. I will always remember the words that they stated to me. They said, "...That it shows that I had gained a degree of maturity that most people will never attain. People can never understand your problems, but God understands your problems better than any of us."

A tear flung from my eye as I could feel the compassionate truth in their words. They further taught me that as I learned to walk in the Lord's footsteps that I will see a change in my life. This is further illustrated in the poem, "Footprints" attached below: 

This poem has been touching, and I have learned to listen towards its counsel. Whether or not you believe in God, we can all agree that we need help sometimes. It can be frustrating to share your problems towards somebody you trust, and they don't understand those problems. It does take a courage of faith taking each step into the world. But, I have learned this past decade that it takes humility to comprehend that we can't do it alone. 

We may think that there is harm in believing in a magical figure in the sky that grants us wishes. And, I can understand non - believers in this notion. I have had my doubts in the past regarding whether there was a God. As I have gained humility, I have further come towards the understanding that there is even more harm thinking that we can do this alone. 

This is further embellished in the movie remake of Miracle on 34th Street.  Now here is a brief synopsis regarding the movie. A young girl meets a department store Santa Claus who claims that he is the real figure. This conflicts with her personal beliefs since her mother teaches her that there is no Santa Claus. This is my favorite quote out of the movie:

Dorey Walker: I don't think that there's any harm in not believing in a figure that many do acknowledge to be a fiction.

Kris Kringle: Oh, but there is. I'm not just a whimsical figure who wears a charming suit and affects a jolly demeanor. You know, I I I'm a symbol. I'm a symbol of the human ability to be able to suppress the selfish and hateful tendencies that rule the major part of our lives. If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt.

Source: imdb.com

Taking an excerpt out of that quote, I will repeat it for effect, "....If you can't believe, if you can't accept anything on faith, then you're doomed for a life dominated by doubt."

Faith gives us hope. Hope drives our purpose. Purpose gives us meaning.

This formula has taught me a liberation that can't be taught. It can only be taught once a person is willing to listen once they have humbled themselves.

As I have humbled myself, I have grown as a compassionate person not just as a man; but a man with purpose. See, a man lives their lives hoping for change. A man with purpose drives for a better future until ultimately they take action towards that future.

Looking towards the future, I look upon the horizon with hope knowing that my story isn't done. The great deal of lessons, tribulations, trials and horrors has been both humbling and inspiring.

I will continue to pray towards God - humbled knowing that I can't do this alone. I am inspired to lead with this prayer of inspiration. This is how I will close my reflection before I turn 30. Amen.

Journal's note: Next week I will be sharing how limitations set you free.