Reflection before I turn 30: Life's real trial (Week 7)

Hell is a place that I call home.

That sounds morbid, and psychotic; but it is true. Not just these past ten years, but I have experienced my fair share of trials and tribulations that most people would describe as incomprehensible. I can't embellish the scenarios that I have experienced, but I can say that I have learned from them.

As Kanye West said in his song, "Stronger" he sings, "Na-na-na that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger."

Though I have become stronger, my trials have taught me much about life. First, it has taught me that life is relentless. Second, it has taught me the main person who can help you is yourself. Thirdly, you can't help others if you can't help yourself.

I believe myself to be an altruistic person. I am willing to give my time and my money towards those people that I feel need it most. As much as possible, I try my best to seek out kindness in those that need comfort. But, I have learned that I can't keep helping others if I can't help myself.

Learning more about myself, I have always wondered why does the bad things happen to me? I think many of us ask that question. The problem with asking why - the motive - is we can never answer it. It is a common conundrum that most of us face. Hence, I started shifting the questioning to ask what can I do to prevent the bad things happening to me?

Though we can't control the external factors that affect our daily lives, we can control the internal factors - ourselves - so that the external factors can react positively towards us. Too many times, we shift the blame on others, because it is easy, rather than ask ourselves what could we have done to prevent the mishaps. After all, Isaac Newton stated, "For every action there is an equal or opposite reaction."

Now, there are some anomalies that we can't control no matter how much the external factors react to us. To this, I say, "You can't bury the pain, you can only become one with it." For years, I have tried to run from it rather than confronting it; and making peace with it. I still have many demons and skeletons in my closet, but accepting the pain, rather than running from it, has made my life a lot easier.

This is life's real trial. This is my reflection before 30.

Journal's note: Next week, I will be covering what makes the soul of a man.