POEM - Life's new beginning

Life's new beginning 

Verse I

In my melancholy grief, I found some relief. 

Forged in memory, bequeath by your spirit and soul.  

Your memory will forever atoll. 

Today, I have spotted a new beginning.  

Let's start at life's birth. 

 

Verse II  

Unearthed by a rebirth, I learned to grow. 

I would not know what the world would mean to me. 

A journey through seas, I will always remember thee. 

Let's start with the beginning of my journey.

 

Verse III

A new adventure to a distant land. 

Difficult, it seems to transplant. 

This is my soul's demand. 

But, you taught me to grow. Forever, I am sown. 

Let's start with transparency. 

Verse IV

You taught me respect. 

You taught me belief. 

You taught me adversity. 

Let's start with our new journey. 

Verse V 

Life does not end. 

It begins anew. 

Thank you for the lessons construed. 

Now, time is always due when we believe. 

Once more, you have set me at ease. 

Be at peace. 

This is your liberty. 

This is life's new beginning.


These past years, I have seen a lot of death. Today, I have heard my grandmother is having difficulty in the hospital during her possible final days. I hope she makes it, but if she does not make it I hope she passes away in peace. I am reminded life is a precious moment that we are given. Today, I shed tears. However, this is a journey that we must all take. All of us has a purpose. That general purpose is to uplift each other as we journey towards a new beginning. Life's treasure is experiencing it. I am touched by the many friends and family members who have passed away these past years, because they have helped me many times throughout these past years. I am forever grateful for them! I would not have become a better person without them. People may not realize it, but our lives our precious. Please treasure it.

I wish every person on this planet always the best! God bless you all!

Thank you,
Tee - j  

 

 

 

 

POEM - My future self

MY FUTURE SELF

My future self, what would he say? 
What would he tell me today? 
Would he smile at me, and convey
"You did a good job today"

Or, would he be disappointed at me in every way? 

Would we share a glimmer? 
Would we share hope? 
Would we share laughter?
Despite the inevitable slope? 

Would I be proud of me?
Despite the inevitable impossibilities? 

I look into the mirror, at the miserable me. 
He's a failure now, could he have done better?
What would I find in this letter. 

Self, 

Time's words are everlasting.
My words seem to be forecasting.
My future me.

Smile, for your days are not numbered. 
Those that would fall, will not fall asunder. 
By the endless negative slumber.

They will never understand 
what you feel. 
Be true, be real. 

Your dreams are your steel. 
Show them, what they don't understand. 
Show them the anger that none of them can demand. 

I stand alone, myself in the mirror. 
Look harder. 
Look closer. 
Look further. 
Your future is real. 

Into the past, I look back. 
That's when I can finally smile, at last. 

My future self, your future is your past. 
Today, is yours. It has amassed. 

Love, 
Me  

© All rights reserved 2019

Reflection: It starts with a child

Imagine.

Close your eyes. 

Take your mind back to when you were a child. 

Do you remember holding your first toy? How excited were you when you were holding that toy? Was your first toy a Barbie doll? Did that doll make you feel like you had a real friend?

Was it a G.I. Joe action figure? In your mind's imagination, taking your mind towards the action.

Was it a Power Wheels vehicle? Now, you felt like you were a grown up ready for the open road! 

Each toy had a personality that brought you joy - joy that made you feel alive! Almost like Toy Story, it sparked your imagination that developed you - developing your imagination. Can you remember those moments? 

I can remember these memories.

Being five years of age, I remember always running towards the toy area dragging my mother to buy each toy. To my mother she saw her wallet becoming light, but in my mind I saw paradise. Each toy was a world that I could create as my own. My imagination was sparked. I felt alive! 

Christmas was always a delight. I remember stacks of presents. Presents that meant toys. Each toy had a personality that enriched my personality. It fueled my dreams - sparking my imagination. I once wanted to be a medical doctor - pediatrician to be exact. I would use my mother's stethoscope as I placed it on a Pound Puppy.

I remember the feeling everytime I played with my toys. I didn't play, because I wanted to have fun. I played, because I felt my imagination and my creativity being sparked.

Too many people want their children to grow up - make adult decisions - crippling their right to imagine and choose. However, this can be detrimental towards a child's growth. Listening to the Youtube channel TheAtheistVoice Hemant Mehta has said in an episode that teaching a child Santa Clause will make it easier to teach a child there is no God. I have heard many secularists make their children free thinkers. But, how can children free think if adults tell that them there is no God? Did they arrive towards that conclusion themselves?

In December 2017, I had a conversation with my supervisor's supervisor, who, in his 50s, has a three year-old daughter. The rest of his children are in their mid - 20s. He told me that he had a down day, but his daughter came out in a fairy suit just to cheer him up. My supervisor told me he could have been upset with his daughter, but he couldn't be upset towards a child's creativity. It really made his day he said.

Talking about God, and how belief correlates with imagination, he agreed with me that when we take away imagination and belief we cripple the future. In other words, many of the greatest innovators were once children whose imagination was sparked by toys or the encouragement to believe. Criss Angel, the magician, bought magic kits when he was a child whenever he had the money, thus making him one of the greatest magicians of our time. William Hearst traveled with his parents around Europe inspiring Hearst Castle.

I know that my imagination has been sparked by the places that I have traveled and the toys that I have played. It developed my mind while fueling my imagination of tomorrow. We can't predict the future, but we can predict how we shape the future through our children.

As many know, Toys 'R Us is closing its doors. For many this is just another business closing, and it doesn't matter much. But, this is much more than a toy store closing. I see an icon that has inspired many great architects that bought their first Lego blocks at Toys 'R Us; or the next fashion designer as they played with their Barbie dolls. Each toy inspired the next generation, because we inspired them when they were first children. Furthermore, it isn't the children's lives being affected it is the employees who have families that they have to feed. This is more than just a toy icon needing to be saved. This is the imagination of the future.

I hope that you consider donating towards the cause of billionaire Isaac Larian's cause. He has created a gofundme page where you can donate towards the cause. I agree with the him that the pipeline will be too long should the last American toy icon be liquidated. Here is that gofundme page: https://www.gofundme.com/helpsavetoysrus.

I hope that when you donate that you're not thinking of just saving a business; but rather saving the future. After all, imagination started with a child. 

Glimmer: Familiar in second person

We live in familiar settings, and those familiar settings sometimes can make us feel complacent and comfortable. Recently, I have been reflecting upon my "familiar" self wondering how I can change routines. I have come a long way in the last decade, and I know that constant change is what I need for constant improvement.

It is easy to judge based upon the outside, because we like tangible things. But, the things that are intangible, mainly found within our minds and souls, those things scare us. We would rather judge other people because it is easy and familiar. People's growth into something better or the change of what we don't perceive because we have become familiar frightens us.

Familiar to our own little bubble. Familiar to settings and knowledge. Familiar to what can't be changed. Familiar to the pain as people relish in it. Familiar to the tears and fears that people cry. Familiar to our own voices as our own voices silence those that want to be heard. Familiar because we have become comfortable.

This is familiar in second person:

7 A.M.

You're trained from sunlight's day to do a routine that never swayed. For they only see when you arose, your predecessors didn't plan for the day not knowing how the day would close.

Morning arises, the routine stays the same. Nevertheless, you don't expect that cars can take different routes, chickens peck in different directions; and the weather changes. You get ready for the day knowing the bus will stop at the same place.

8 A.M.

School time arrives, the sun rises in the sky. Half hour trip towards school the sky changes towards a rainy day. You didn't expect it to happen as the weather man forecasted sunny days.

Life takes an unexpected turn as weather changes always foretell bad roads that lie ahead.

9 A.M.

Class starts.

Taking notes minding your own business, Jake, behind you, bullies you and teases you. Sneakily, he flicks your ear while every student quietly and busily takes an important test. Annoyed, you turn towards him and punch him in the face.

Teacher's back was turned, didn't see the incident, and blames you for the cause. Distraught, he whisks you towards detention. Automatic detention automatically fails the test which was a third of your grade.

You fall into despair as your thoughts whirl. You know your predecessors won't understand that it wasn't your fault because they will judge you based upon what they have seen not what they want to hear. They don't see that you have been trying. They see what they want to perceive as they have become familiar with judging you. You know in your heart you have tried. You know that they can't see what is inside your head and heart, and all that pain inside, because they find judging is easy.

The teacher will not listen, because like your predecessors, they still judge you based upon past experiences - controlled by their schemas. As people say experience is the best teacher but does experience transcend every other person's experience? Does every person become a business person? Does every person become a doctor? Does every person become bullied throughout their life? Does every person become addicted to drugs? Each of these occupations and instances will have different experiences that NEVER transcend into another.

You connect the dots.

You realize that experience isn't the best teacher. Earning the experience is the best teacher. For example, how many people receive their high school diplomas but actually value their education? Earning something is an achievement valued. People can experience education but very few value it.

The bell rings. Three hours pass as lunch has arrived.

12 P.M.

You sit alone as you have no friends.

Girls and boys snicker at you. They point at you as they make fun of the clothes that you're wearing. Pain accumulating  it doesn't matter, because people would rather discriminate on what they see. They only see what is familiar to them.

Swiftly, you finish your meal. You stomp out of the cafeteria.

You head towards the bathroom where you cry your tears out. You're the only one who sees your pain as nobody will listen to your pain. How can they listen when they can't FEEL your pain?

You wipe your tears trying to stay strong. Class must continue.

1 P.M. to 3 P.M.

You sit in class ready to listen. You look around glad that Jake isn't around.

Science is the topic.

The teacher speaks about the probability of lightning striking a person. He opens a National Geographic magazine that he had read earlier.

According to National Geographic, the odds of becoming a lightning victim in the United States in any one year is 1 in 700,000. The odds of being struck in your lifetime is 1 in 3,000. You remove your eyes from your notes as you fixate them on the teacher.

Your thoughts race. Lightning never strikes in the same place twice. Nevertheless, it increases its chances of killing a person over their lifetime.

The bell rings. The final two classes.

3 P.M.

School has ended, time to take the bus. The sky has not cleared, and the rain heavily downpours. More signs that things are not going to go well. You know it. You feel it. Yet, no one will understand it.

4 P.M.

You're home. You continue homework. Problems swirl in your head.

5 P.M. to 8 P.M.

Last problem, until your thoughts are interrupted by a familiar yell. Trepidation swells inside.

There was an answering machine message that stated that you have been placed in detention. You try to voice your opinion, but your voice falls on deaf ears as experience and schema's cloud judgment.

Predecessors claim that you won't change even though you try to side your worth. Nevertheless, you aren't heard. They want change and you want fairness; but both can't compete especially if there is tolerance wanted. They judge while they don't listen. How can they listen when they won't listen to what they can't see. How can they understand when living with familiar habits of just watching television?

Like lightning it strikes even if you don't want it to strike, but understands less often why it struck. When it does strike, it kills the person that they judge because they are familiar with ONLY their settings.

6 P.M. Dinnertime

Same continued rant as pain has sweltered. Thoughts of negativity has swirled. The worth of a person has gone. Like lightning, it has killed its victim - numb.

9 P.M.

Your day has ended. Your life has ended as pain has transcended through time all because people want to become familiar. Like the sun it rose and set in one day. But, like lightning it didn't strike twice in the same place but it struck more often in the same manner. We have become too familiar.

10 P.M.

You fall asleep. The nightmare continues. A good dream needs to take its place.

Reflection: Death provides more value

Since my sabbatical from blog writing, much has happened in the world and my life. I can't fully elaborate what is happening, but what I can say is that I know that I am on the right path. People still are kibitzers thinking that they know what is best for me, and thinking that I am still a naive child incapable of choosing for myself. Somehow, I wonder if they suggest a path for me because they can't choose a path for themselves? 

This has made me deeply ponder the shallow-individual soul. 

It would be easy to show malice, but somehow I pity them. As I write this blog, I wondered these past months what would be an effective post and critical post that would warrant a worthy return. Much reflection and meditation has transpired; and I have transcribed what would fully circumnavigate my contemplation these past months. 

In my quest to find the right words, I stumbled upon a refreshing read that was released last year. Recently, I had finished it. 

The book is titled Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong  by Eric Barker. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, he provides refreshing evidence why people are NOT succeeding either due to traditional ideas and the falsified definition of success. It was a riveting read that I couldn't halt. Simple and energetic, I encourage others to read this book. 

However, this isn't a book review. I will be borrowing quotes and research from pages that aligned with some of my thoughts sub-categorically divided into these sub - topics: The Answer You Seek, The World Will Decide For You and What We Truly Value. 

The Answer You Seek

"We are all complicated creatures whose actions and reactions are governed by a wide array of perceptions, thoughts and feelings and memories" said Dr John Gottman, author of the The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, and the nation's leading relationship psychologist. 

We are motivated by purpose. Each of us has a different purpose inside. Without purpose, life loses meaning and loses the value that it holds. Many try seeking that purpose through people's advice or doing what society wants. Though it is wise to seek counsel, it shouldn't be the end-all solution for anyone. 

As I have stated in previous blog posts, advice and counsel doesn't transcend other people's lives because it doesn't account for all the internal factors and external factors that each of us experience. I have come to the realization that the best person equipped to answer my life questions is myself. I have done this by looking backwards from my past as it has equipped me with the answers for the future. Living for 30 years has allowed me further insight into the path that I seek, and boosted my confidence that few will never comprehend. 

In fact, it was President Theodore Roosevelt that said, “I believe that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for the future." Meditating upon my past has allowed me to know the path that God would want me to pursue. It has allowed peace knowing that the future that lies ahead me is bright. 

In Barker's book he answers the question: "How do I...be more successful in life?" I am sure that many of us has asked that personally about our lives. And, he provides an answer: "First, know thyself. This phrase has been uttered many times throughout history. It's carved into stone at the Oracle of Delphi. The Gospel of Thomas says, 'If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you'." 

Too many times, we go towards self - help gurus or self - help books (I am not endorsing that these are bad methodologies) seeking for an answer or for a purpose when the answer that we already seek is within ourselves. 

Simply, Mufasa from the Lion King said it best, "Remember Who You Are." Knowing your weaknesses, your strengths, your past; and being simultaneously cognizant of your surroundings can better equip you towards your future. 

Learn to trust yourself. Learn to love yourself. The answer is already inside of you. 

The World Will Decide For You 

If you don't know the answer already, that is alright. I just hope that you find it soon, because the world will decide for you. This can be a hellish ordeal - here's why. 

The world has a societal rules that it expects people to follow, and if you fail at life society will abnormally look at you. In contrast, if you break the rules society still abnormally looks at you. Somehow, it is an abysmal double - standard that if you do what society wants either way you're a failure. 

And, you are a failure until you know the answer. With the tech industry at a boom and the millionaire having an average GPA of 2.9 (Also, found in Barker's book), society has noticed a shift from traditional ways of earning money. 

If you're not cognizant, this can be hard to find the solution especially for "filtered leaders". According to Barker, "filtered leaders" are people who rises up through formal channels, getting promoted, playing by the rules and meeting expectations. For those that play by the rules, it can be a huge blow especially when losing a job. Research shows that when you're unemployed, their happiness drops 120 percent more than those who aren't as conscientious. Without a path to follow they're lost. 

Barker further cites: "Eran Shor, a professor at McGill University, found that being jobless increases premature mortality by a whopping 63%. And preexisting health issues made no difference, implying that it's not a correlation, it's very likely causation." 

I hope that you don't become that 63% only to find that it is too late to discover what you want. Our lives are precious, and I hope you realize that this is a one - way trip towards the grave. If you don't discover what you want then you will regret it. In fact, the number - one regret that people had on their deathbeds was this: "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected for me." 

Do you know yourself? Are you letting others define that story for you? Are you making excuses such as: that isn't how the cards are being dealt - that it is just fate. Let's be clear about the distinction between fate and destiny. Barker cites UCLA Professor Howard Suber defined fate as the thing we can not avoid. Destiny is the thing we must chase and what we must bring to fruition. 

Taking that definition, your fate is only written if you say it is written. These past two months I had this ephiphany: "Some people are living to live while some people are living to die". If you're living to die than your destiny is already written then why are you choosing to live? 

It would behoove us that we must show some humility that we are given a gift to live ourselves. There is an old saying that goes: "The past is already written. The future has not yet happened. The present is happening right now, and that is why it is called a gift." 

It is gift that you have been given a brain and a body to do incredible things. Don't let society define you. Your life has already defined you. Make it happen! 

What We Truly Value

Sometimes we don't value life, and that can be the most troublesome error that leads towards our downfall. Upon observation, I feel that we have become a narcissistic society more focused on helping ourselves rather than others. As Dale Carnegie, author of How To Win Friends and Influence People, said people are selfish! Subconsciously, they think they are helping other people, but their minds are clouded by their enigmatic biases. 

Don't believe me? Take the current government shutdown that is happening on Capital Hill, 2018. As I was watching Youtube videos listening on interviews through local media outlets, all I heard was the "he - said, she - said" approach. People were more interested in blaming the other party rather than taking accountability for their wrongs. Simply, we are not a nation of adults but a nation of babies waiting for our rattles to be handed to us. 

Sadly, we really do like hearing the sound of our voices rather the voices of others. Barker cites neuroscientist Diana Tamir who found that your brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does from food or money. Astoundingly horrid! 

What will it take for us to value trust, service and love for others again? Death! No, literally death. When people die that's when they value life even more. Take the quote above regarding the number 1 regret. 

Death both in a literal sense and a metaphorical sense. Dr. Gottman said that only when divorce happens and they sign off their assets only then do they realize the importance of their spouse and their marriage. 

Truly, we are myopic creatures. Sometimes, I feel that I have lost hope for the future of humanity wondering how did the dichotomy have to be belligerent when it wasn't always the case. Do we really have to annihilate ourselves until we realize what truly is valuable? 

I hope that it doesn't reach that point. But, somehow the research says otherwise. I guess we don't value life as much as we claim. Does death provide more value than life?

Time to choose.

Reflection before I turn 30: Become (Week 14 - Final Week)

The city is vibrant.

Life is vibrant in the city.

Smelling the New York City air; hearing the sounds of taxi cab drivers furiously honking at traffic; and people marching along the streets makes me feel like seizing the day. The day should be seized, and every opportunity we have as I don't know when this day could be my last.

Alas, I never thought I would turn 30 years old as my last decade has taught me a lot. It has taught me to survive. It has taught me to thrive among life's adversities and enemies. It has taught me to earn what is mine. It has taught me more about me - like life in the city, ever changing.

As each decade passes we learn more about ourselves. As Carrie Bradshaw said "Your 20’s are to make mistakes, your 30’s are to learn your lessons and your 40’s are to pay for the drinks."  

Though I like that Bradshaw was correct that I made mistakes in my 20's and the object of my 30's is to learn from those mistakes, I don't think I will be passing any drinks in my 40's - literally. Hence, I came up with a modified quote regarding the way we age. 

Play. Discover. Mistakes. Become.

Childhood – We play to learn during our childhood years.

Teenager – We discover to learn during our teenage years.

20s – We make mistakes to learn what makes us, us.

30s – We take what we learned from the previous decades; and become who we were meant to be. 

Today, I turn into who I was meant to become. It is our experiences that show us the path we need to follow. Each day is seized as an opportunity to learn. If we don't learn from these mistakes, we are repeating them. George Santaya, 19th-century poet and philosopher, said it best when he quoted: "If you don't learn from your mistakes, you are condemned to repeat them." 

This journey couldn't have been possible for the people who have made it worthwhile. In life we just don't make mistakes by ourselves, we learn how to improve as we interact with other people. People are the substance towards making our lives worthwhile.

I hope to become a better person from friends, family and acquaintances. I don't know everything, and as Henry David Thoreau quoted, "Someone is always your superior." 

My success stems from the help that others give me. I am humble that I realize that I could never achieve goals without the people in my life. But, I become great when I can include people along my life journey.

I hope to learn from you. Grow from you. Ultimately, becoming the man that I need to become for you. Our journey is worthless without family and friends. They should mean the world. I hope that as I include them in this journey that when I turn 40 that I can pass the drinks around - figuratively.  

Cheers to you, my friends and my family. Cheers to the new decade. Cheers on becoming the man that I am meant to become. Today, I turn 30!

Journal's note: This is the last reflection in this series. I am grateful for the people that have journeyed this life with me. I will be posting more blogs in the future, and I look forward to others reading my blog. As I have stated in a previous blog post, I use this blog improving upon my craft. Thank you everyone, and I love you all!

Reflection before I turn 30: I want real change (Week 13)

"I want real change. I want them to listen to me, because I know that I am right! I ignore the voice inside me telling me that I might be wrong. I know that others are wrong, because I know everything about a subject. I know that they are wrong because I am right. I will change the world through words. I will yell and scream at people who don't listen. I will belittle them if needed as to make them feel guilty while I feel superior. 

I am superior enough that I don't need to humble myself. I don't need to humble myself, because I know everything. I know everything because I know everything about this subject, and all manner of all learning can just shove it. People's ideas don't matter, because I matter. I want change, because I have the words that will create that change. 

I am the change - that voice inside my head said it."

How many of us know people who act like they know everything? How many of us fight tooth - and - nail because we think we know everything? I wager that all of us know somebody who thinks they know everything; and they will fight to change your mind over it. 

I will admit that even though I know a lot of things, I don't know everything. This past decade has taught me a valuable lesson that a little of something isn't a lot of everything. In the minute time that we are here on this Earth, not one person will know everything. The average human being lives an average lifespan of 80 years. The time that humans have been here on this Earth has been 200,000 years. The universe has been around for over 14.6 billion years. In 80 years can one person really know the 14.6 billion years worth of secrets? 

See where I am going with this statement? 

I used to think that I can share everything with people. In my late teens, I had a turning point that taught me that not everybody can be trusted. The lesson that I learned is why we can't change people's minds is because people are protected by their biases and their prejudices. We can try to change their minds, but in the end we are creating contention rather than creating the positive change that we had hoped. 

Noticing that I was creating contention everywhere I went, I started to look inward asking myself if words can create the change that I want? As I have said in my previous blog, "Alone in second person", words provide a linear explanation subverting all the other human senses; thus providing a more convoluted viewpoint. Hence, I have learned that the old adage of "actions speak louder than words" applies here. 

Since words can only be heard, actions can be seen, heard and touched by the results we produce. We can argue our viewpoint hoping that others will follow suit, but actions gives a path that others can pursue. In reality, there will be those who talk of change while there will be those who will be the change. 

If I want real change, I need set the example by producing action. My actions tangibly show my thoughts, my feelings and my words. Out of all the lessons that I have posted these past 13 weeks, this is the lesson that has touched me the most. I will be reverberating this thought throughout my next decade. 

Journal's note: Next week will be my last blog entry in this series. I won't share the topic, but I can say that this journey would not have been possible without certain people along the way.