Irresponsible!

Prior to beginnning, I have to say that marriage is a wonderful thing; but with any wonderful thing it requires work. Now mainly this blog entry is for a person that I find that is making a reckless decision, and towards the same person who trys to belittle me when they think that they know everything. He tries to belittle me by making fun of me by telling me that I am short; such as calling me short stuff, and telling me that I am immature?! What the hell does he think he is doing by calling me immature? I'm sorry, but somebody with a mental capacity to call me as such; and tell me that I haven't changed over the last two years is someone to judge quickly and someone that should be called immature; because they don't understand that I have grown the last two years. They don't understand what the eff I have been through these last years! Upon calling me such names, it shows that their mental capacity is that of a child! (Excuse me for my vent, I had to get that out of my system. Now I would like to address more logos side of this marrying early argument and why marrying early is IRRESPONSIBLE!)What I hate even more is when they said on facebook that one day I will understand! Understand what I may ask? That marriage is hard work requiring spending time with the spouse, kids and the job? Understand that marrying earlier than 6 months can lead towards divorce? Understand that marriage is an eternal commitment? Understand that marriage will share indifferences that can cause heartache and fights along the way? Understand that marrriage is also the keys towards our Eternal Salvation in order to become Gods? Understand that marriage is a way towards companionship? Understand that marriage is about love and not lust? Is there anything I missed in regards towards marriage?

First off, marriage is about love. But, when a couple rushes into marriage without thinking of the future with that person and what could happen it then becomes selfish. Why does it become selfish? Because, the couple does not try to think of all the possibilities and the responsibilities that comes along with marriage and how it will affect the people that give their blessing. Life is unpredictable with the amount of curve balls that it throws, and if we do not have a roadmap to who they are with and who we are; both will become lost with those curve balls that life will throw. It is ironic that there are many early LDS couple who are oblivious towards the horrors and joys of marriage, because they don't take the time to examine the possibilities of what COULD happen!

Second off, the marriage decision should be made with God. Now I know I have heard that couples have prayed to the Lord whether or not they should marry this person. Though this is a sage advice to do, it can also be the downfall towards the relationship in the long run. Why? The first reason would be that though the Lord may have prompted you to marry this person, he will not tell you who you are supposed to marry; because it will limit your freedom of angency. The second reason would be prompting may not always be what it seems. God works in mysterious ways, and when He tells us to do something it is not sometimes the way that it turns out. For example, remember the story of Abram and Isaac? Abram was told to sacrifice Isaac; but is that what is supposed to happen? No, it was quite the opposite! Implied, this story teaches us that we need to still be careful with how we approach anything the Lord prompts us with and still be on our guard. Becuase, when we are not our guard we will find that we will blame the Lord when something does go wrong. The Lord has enough problems to deal with, and many of the problems that have been dealed with have been with in the name of the Lord. For an extreme example, take many of the terrorist attacks; they were ALL done in the name of God!

Thirdly, the facts towards marriage. I have taken many marriage courses up at BYU - Idaho, and many professors would agree with me that marriage today, especially in our LDS culture is a way to self gratify ourselves! I had a now retired Preparation for Marriage professor named Brother Greene, who stated that he has noticed many couples confuse the Spirit with their emotions! Lust is not the same as love! Anyways, here are the facts with provided sources:

1. It has been stated LDS couples have a 40% divorce rate, which is 10% LOWER than people who AREN'T LDS. What is the cause? The lack of communication. It has been stated that we should keep our eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards. Many divorces happen, because couples do NOT take the time to get to KNOW their spouse prior to marriage. (300 questions: LDS couples should ask before marriage by Shannon Alder.)

2. A. The bride and groom who tie the knot too quickly begin marriage with an array of false assumptions about how life will be after the wedding. Major conflicts occur a few weeks later when they discover that they differ radically on what each considers non-negotiable issues. The stage is set for arguments and hurt feelings. (p.20).

B. One recommendation: Don't rush the courthsip period when you feel you have found the "one and only." Frank Sinatra said it musically: "Take it nice and easy, making all the stops along the way." AT LEAST A YEAR IS NEEDED TO ALLOW THE PREMARITAL BONDING PROCESS TO OCCUR. (30).

C. "I read a wedding ceremony in New York years ago in which the bride and groom each pledged 'to stay with you for as long as I shall love you.' I doubt their marriage lasted even a few years. The FEELING of love is simply too ephemeral to hold a relationship together for very long. It comes and goes. That's why our panel of six hundred was adament on this point."

D. The MARRIAGE KILLERS:

1a. Overcommitment and physical exhaution: Beware of this danger. It is especially inidious for young couples who are trying to get started in a profession or in school. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house, and start a business all at once. It is especially dangerous for the husband to be vastly overcommited while the wife stays home with a preschooler. Her profound loneliness will build discontent and depression. You must reserve time for one another if you want to keep your love alive.)

2b. Excessive credit and conflict over how money will be spent. We've said it before: Pay cash consumable items or don't buy. Don't spend more for a house or car than you can afford, leaving not enough resources for dating, short-trips, baby-sitters, and so on. Allocate your funds with the wisdom of Solomon.

3b. Selfishness: There are two kinds of people in this world: the givers and the takers. A marriage between two givers can be a beautiful thing. Friction is the order of the day, however, for a giver and a taker, and two takers can claw each other to pieces within weeks. In short, selfishness will devastate a marriage every time.

4b. Interference from in-laws. If husbands or wives have not been fully emancipated from their parents, it is best not to live near them. Autonomy is difficult for some mothers (and fathers) to grant, and close proximity guarantees trouble.

5b. Getting married to young. Girls who marry between fourteen and seventeen years of age are more than twice as likely to divorce as those who marry at eighteen or nineteen years of age. Those who marry at 18 or 19 are more than ONE AND A HALF times as likely to divorce as those who marry in their twenties.

( Everything under the number 2's source: Love for a lifetime by Dr. James Dobson.)

3. According to the book called, "First Comes Love," written by Dr. Douglas Brinley and Dr. Mark Ogletree, who are members of the LDS church, they include these facts:

A. In Utah, 54 percent of all divorces occur within the first five years of marriage. 18 percent of divorces occur within the first year. (p. 13)
1a. Furthermore, Dr. James Dobson states that 1.1 million divorces happen in the United States happens every year. The average duration of first marriages that end in divorce is only eight years. (Love for a Lifetime, p. 15).

B. "We have observed that many people 'take no thought for the morrow' when it comes to preparing for marriage. It seems that most young couples spend more time planning their wedding than they do planning for marriage. Sometimes it is only a few weeks into marriage when a husband or wife will say, 'I had no idea my wife/husband was like that. He/she never did that before we were married.' (p.18)

These are some of the many facts that I have studied while studying the cause of failures of marriages. I am thankful that I was able to take the marriage courses up there at BYU - Idaho. I would recommend to take marriage counseling as well prior to hopping into a HUGE commitment. I state these facts and opinions not to show that I disgust the idea of marriage; but rather to show that I care for you. I hope that the youth would make a wise decision towards this eternal commitment! Generally, I have found that those who don't take the time have divorced! Those who have divorced have been many of my youth leaders, and to this day they regret making those mistakes! Now do some get lucky dating for a short period of time? Yes! But, life can not be based off of luck or God, because if we based upon those two things we will never learn anything, but heartache!

I hope a happy marriage is there in your future by making a wise decision! Otherwise, it is irresponsible!