This has made me deeply ponder the shallow-individual soul.
It would be easy to show malice, but somehow I pity them. As I write this blog, I wondered these past months what would be an effective post and critical post that would warrant a worthy return. Much reflection and meditation has transpired; and I have transcribed what would fully circumnavigate my contemplation these past months.
In my quest to find the right words, I stumbled upon a refreshing read that was released last year. Recently, I had finished it.
The book is titled Barking Up The Wrong Tree: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Success Is (Mostly) Wrong by Eric Barker. A graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, he provides refreshing evidence why people are NOT succeeding either due to traditional ideas and the falsified definition of success. It was a riveting read that I couldn't halt. Simple and energetic, I encourage others to read this book. However, this isn't a book review. I will be borrowing quotes and research from pages that aligned with some of my thoughts sub-categorically divided into these sub - topics: The Answer You Seek, The World Will Decide For You and What We Truly Value.
The Answer You Seek
"We are all complicated creatures whose actions and reactions are governed by a wide array of perceptions, thoughts and feelings and memories" said Dr John Gottman, author of the The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work, and the nation's leading relationship psychologist.
We are motivated by purpose. Each of us has a different purpose inside. Without purpose, life loses meaning and loses the value that it holds. Many try seeking that purpose through people's advice or doing what society wants. Though it is wise to seek counsel, it shouldn't be the end-all solution for anyone.
As I have stated in previous blog posts, advice and counsel doesn't transcend other people's lives because it doesn't account for all the internal factors and external factors that each of us experience. I have come to the realization that the best person equipped to answer my life questions is myself. I have done this by looking backwards from my past as it has equipped me with the answers for the future. Living for 30 years has allowed me further insight into the path that I seek, and boosted my confidence that few will never comprehend.
In fact, it was President Theodore Roosevelt that said, “I believe that the more you know about the past, the better you are prepared for the future." Meditating upon my past has allowed me to know the path that God would want me to pursue. It has allowed peace knowing that the future that lies ahead me is bright.
In Barker's book he answers the question: "How do I...be more successful in life?" I am sure that many of us has asked that personally about our lives. And, he provides an answer: "First, know thyself. This phrase has been uttered many times throughout history. It's carved into stone at the Oracle of Delphi. The Gospel of Thomas says, 'If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you'."
Too many times, we go towards self - help gurus or self - help books (I am not endorsing that these are bad methodologies) seeking for an answer or for a purpose when the answer that we already seek is within ourselves.
Simply, Mufasa from the Lion King said it best, "Remember Who You Are." Knowing your weaknesses, your strengths, your past; and being simultaneously cognizant of your surroundings can better equip you towards your future.
Learn to trust yourself. Learn to love yourself. The answer is already inside of you.
The World Will Decide For You
If you don't know the answer already, that is alright. I just hope that you find it soon, because the world will decide for you. This can be a hellish ordeal - here's why.
The world has a societal rules that it expects people to follow, and if you fail at life society will abnormally look at you. In contrast, if you break the rules society still abnormally looks at you. Somehow, it is an abysmal double - standard that if you do what society wants either way you're a failure.
And, you are a failure until you know the answer. With the tech industry at a boom and the millionaire having an average GPA of 2.9 (Also, found in Barker's book), society has noticed a shift from traditional ways of earning money.
If you're not cognizant, this can be hard to find the solution especially for "filtered leaders". According to Barker, "filtered leaders" are people who rises up through formal channels, getting promoted, playing by the rules and meeting expectations. For those that play by the rules, it can be a huge blow especially when losing a job. Research shows that when you're unemployed, their happiness drops 120 percent more than those who aren't as conscientious. Without a path to follow they're lost.
Barker further cites: "Eran Shor, a professor at McGill University, found that being jobless increases premature mortality by a whopping 63%. And preexisting health issues made no difference, implying that it's not a correlation, it's very likely causation."
I hope that you don't become that 63% only to find that it is too late to discover what you want. Our lives are precious, and I hope you realize that this is a one - way trip towards the grave. If you don't discover what you want then you will regret it. In fact, the number - one regret that people had on their deathbeds was this: "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected for me."
Do you know yourself? Are you letting others define that story for you? Are you making excuses such as: that isn't how the cards are being dealt - that it is just fate. Let's be clear about the distinction between fate and destiny. Barker cites UCLA Professor Howard Suber defined fate as the thing we can not avoid. Destiny is the thing we must chase and what we must bring to fruition.
Taking that definition, your fate is only written if you say it is written. These past two months I had this ephiphany: "Some people are living to live while some people are living to die". If you're living to die than your destiny is already written then why are you choosing to live?
It would behoove us that we must show some humility that we are given a gift to live ourselves. There is an old saying that goes: "The past is already written. The future has not yet happened. The present is happening right now, and that is why it is called a gift."
It is gift that you have been given a brain and a body to do incredible things. Don't let society define you. Your life has already defined you. Make it happen!
What We Truly Value
Sometimes we don't value life, and that can be the most troublesome error that leads towards our downfall. Upon observation, I feel that we have become a narcissistic society more focused on helping ourselves rather than others. As Dale Carnegie, author of How To Win Friends and Influence People, said people are selfish! Subconsciously, they think they are helping other people, but their minds are clouded by their enigmatic biases.
Don't believe me? Take the current government shutdown that is happening on Capital Hill, 2018. As I was watching Youtube videos listening on interviews through local media outlets, all I heard was the "he - said, she - said" approach. People were more interested in blaming the other party rather than taking accountability for their wrongs. Simply, we are not a nation of adults but a nation of babies waiting for our rattles to be handed to us.
Sadly, we really do like hearing the sound of our voices rather the voices of others. Barker cites neuroscientist Diana Tamir who found that your brain gets more pleasure from you talking about yourself than it does from food or money. Astoundingly horrid!
What will it take for us to value trust, service and love for others again? Death! No, literally death. When people die that's when they value life even more. Take the quote above regarding the number 1 regret.
Death both in a literal sense and a metaphorical sense. Dr. Gottman said that only when divorce happens and they sign off their assets only then do they realize the importance of their spouse and their marriage.
Truly, we are myopic creatures. Sometimes, I feel that I have lost hope for the future of humanity wondering how did the dichotomy have to be belligerent when it wasn't always the case. Do we really have to annihilate ourselves until we realize what truly is valuable?
I hope that it doesn't reach that point. But, somehow the research says otherwise. I guess we don't value life as much as we claim. Does death provide more value than life?
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